blows dust off blog

only to let it re-cumulate again

m.o.u.r.n

My heart mourns, but who would understand?

I have compassion for the lost, those who are in hurt, in need, in bitterness

I pray that one day, you would come to Christ, one day, your whole family be saved

I pray that gospel that I share, the love that I show, would not be said of me, but rather point you to Christ.

This post is dedicated to a aunty I know, she and her husband have gone separate ways,

her 3rd daughter, divorced; 2nd son's marriage in jeopardy; eldest son just married, baby just reached a month old, now they are filing for divorce.

Family curse ?

I do not underestimate the work of the devil, but I know,

I have a Greater God,

God would stomp the devil under His feet, and nothing, no curse can bind anybody,

Because Jesus lives

But I see many in bondage, not because my God is not Great, because we don't want help, we think we can manage our problems on our own.

Do you not hear the cries of those in pain, in sorrow, in bitterness ?

Are you oblivious to the fact because it is not you that is in the situation ?

Do you not care?

My heart weeps and my soul is bitter.

I have done what I can. But unless the Lord builds the house, the builders build in vain (okay, not a good verse)

My point is, human efforts are futile and meaningless unless God intervenes

I pray Lord

SAVE THEM

Kampar, a land of "too many" memories

Reminiscing the past 3 years

gosh, I love this place

somehow or rather, I would say I have not left this place, unchanged

UTAR Library

Yesterday I went to the library to renew the borrowing of a textbook, after scanning the book, the librarian told me that I cannot borrow the book any more

Librarian: Your student ID expires on 23/5/2011, and because each borrowing period is 2 weeks, the book would have passed the 23 if you were to renew it. You have to go DSA and extend/renew (something like that) the date, only then can you borrow the book

Me: But I just need it for my exam 2 days away, Can I un-return it then pay a fine for it after my paper ?

Librarian: No, I'm sorry, I have already scanned the book, you would have to follow the normal procedure, go DSA and get it done

Me: But by the time I did that my exam would be over

Librarian: Sorry, have to follow the rules

On another thought, all these means I would only have less than 2 weeks left in UTAR, I'm going to leave this inefficient, troublesome and highly procedur-ized university

I would miss you, UTAR

The Eclectic Theory of Personality

The Eclectic Theory of Personality

The eclectic theorists hold to the fact that no one theory of personality can encompass each and every person. The mind is not like a mathematic formula that will react in a certain way given a certain stimuli. The mind is much more complex and cannot easily be understood. Thus we have Theories of personalities instead of the facts and empirical formulas of personality. The Eclectic theorist believe in a synergistic personality theory. Synergism in the case of personality theory, is the belief that no one theory is entirely correct. It takes two or more theories to produce what one, by itself, cannot produce. Since personality theory is not an exact science it would seem ludicrous to narrow the field to what one or even two theorist believe to be true.

Bob Cave: Biographical Background (1955- )
Born in the small New England town of Warwick, Rhode Island, into a navy family, Cave was destined to move often during his childhood. The second born of six children in a family with a father seldom home due to sea duty and a third generation alcoholic. He would grow up knowing he was responsible for his younger siblings. Physically he was a small child and would try throughout his adolescence to make up for the size deficiency by portraying himself as bigger, faster, and more adventuresome than others. An average student in high school, Cave found emotional fulfillment on the wrestling team. The sport itself placed the small and large on equal ground. Cave found a great deal of pleasure in wrestling those in his weight class. During his sophomore year Cave would be changed forever through an encounter with the person of Jesus Christ. The change was immediate, and long lasting. The anger and resentment which he felt due to his father's absence and his physical limitations left him. It was replaced with a peace and contentment never before experienced. After graduating high school Cave began work as a youth minister and has continued this work for over 20 years. Cave has a B.A. from MidAmerica Nazarene University, and a M.A. in Family Therapy from Friends University in Wichita Kansas. Currently he is the Senior Pastor at Faith Chapel Assembly of God and has a private practice in Marriage and Family Therapy as well as teaching Marriage and the Family at MidAmerica Nazarene University. His theories of personality have been enhanced by watching hundreds of young people in and through the developmental stage of personality.

The Psychosocial Stages of Development
The blending together of both Freud's psychosexual stages and Erickson's psychosocial stages, has given theorists the ability to draw upon a middle ground. Cave's Eclectic Theory believes that both sexual and social stimuli are responsible for the child's development. In the early years one learns about his or her sexuality and how it relates to those around them. As sexual beings we explore and experiment within our own social structures. If children are not allowed to explore, if it is socially unacceptable to do so, problems can occur and confusion will most likely result.

Birth Order
Along with the psychosexual and psychosocial stages of development birth order is a significant factor. It is generally thought that a child born first is more responsible and dependable because of the ordinal position of first. This child naturally helps rear the others who joined the family after the firstborn. The middle child is always trying to catch up with the eldest. They are very competitive and motivated and often will try and out do the eldest in order to put themselves on top. The youngest child in the family is the baby, they are protected more by the other siblings. They may become more dependent on others throughout life. Although birth order as seen by Cave is significant, when a parent within the family is absent, divorced, unavailable or dies, the entire family experiences a paradigm shift. The birth order becomes even more significant in this event. The eldest by virtue of their ordinal placement, begins to over compensate for the missing parent. This changes the entire dynamic of the family. It is not birth order alone but it is the family structure, or as Adler would say the family constellation. Children are wonderfully adaptive. They will bounce, shift and move within the family structure in order to meet their own needs and the needs of the family. This happens many times sub-consciously.

The Need For Love and Acceptance
This is the overshadowing need of mankind according to Cave. Unlike Abraham Maslow, who feels that the safety needs are first and foremost, Cave feels that one must have a sense of love and belonging. If a child knows that they are loved and accepted unconditionally by the parents, they will be able to endure almost any difficult circumstance. The Jews who were persecuted and killed by the Nazi's were still able to be hopeful and productive while the family was still together. When they were split up hopelessness and despair was experienced by all. These Jews had little of their safety needs met but they were still able to function as long as the family provided for them these essential ingredients. Coming from a family with the net of love and acceptance underneath them, the children are able to step out and risk more in order to reach their goals. They experience a freedom to become what they dream . They have the belief that failure is not fatal, and their mistakes will not ruin them.

More than any other factor love and acceptance provide for a positive, enthusiastic, well balanced personality. The lack of it can be low self-esteem, an inferiority complex, an inability to make decision, and many other maladaptive problems.

The power of acceptance cannot be underestimated. Acceptance has incredible potential for the developing personality. The lack of acceptance can become problematic. If a person is always seeking acceptance, they can be swayed and manipulated very easily. It is easy to imagine scenarios where one is taken advantage of because of their adult needs for acceptance. These scenarios can be eliminated for the most part if acceptance is granted early in the child's development.

Psychotherapy
Psychotherapy according to the Eclectic model, varies from patient to patient. Some may need the psychoanalytic approach of Freud or the Rogerian approach of client- centered, non-directive psychotherapy. Recently Family Therapy has been most effective in dealing with the emerging self in the context of a family. As with most aspects of this theory there is not one method to be used for all cases. Each case must be handled carefully and evaluated using criteria from several different theories in order to know the best treatment for the patient. The drawbacks to this type of therapy is it may take several sessions in order to make that evaluation. The therapist may not be able to effectively administer the needed help and should feel free to refer to someone with that specialty. Not every therapist can help every patient. It is essential to know one's limitations. In any kind of therapy the basic needs of love, sometimes labeled as empathy, and acceptance should be present. The patient needs to feel the net underneath them in order to trust the process and the therapist.

Self-Actualization: The Psychospiritual Model
The most controversial aspect of Cave's work is the idea of Self-actualization (like that of Maslow's) and the Psychospiritual Model. Most theorists overlook the spiritual aspect of the individual. Man has a natural void in his life that he cannot fill with the greatest upbringing, environment, and perspective on life. The void is a place designated for worship. To be self-actualized, according to Cave, a person must be able to respond to this natural void through relationship with God. With this self-actualization comes the knowledge that we are just creatures, we are not gods. We will not have all the answers to the questions of life. Many times the best psychotherapy we can have is an encounter with a power greater than ourselves. Someone who can bring order to chaos, love to bitterness, health to the sick. Carl Jung's views of the collective unconscious can be explained by the fact that we were created by one God for His purposes. We all have very similar needs. These needs are known as man's psychospiritual needs. Some theorists believe that getting in touch with your feelings is helpful, and to this Cave agrees. But it should not stop there. Just as with the familial needs of love and acceptance, we must come to the realization that God is able to offer them in the purest sense. Man can only strive to copy these attributes of God. God's love is ultimately unconditional and accepting. We can come to Him with flaws and failures and be embraced through our imperfection.

The Real Self and The Ideal Self
The real self as Karen Horney would say "are those things that are true about us. The ideal self represents what we wish to become." The real self is an honest self appraisal as to where we are at this point. It includes our flaws and weaknesses as well as our strengths. The ideal self is that which we strive for, and perhaps may never reach. Unlike other theorists Cave suggests that we can and will be able to reach the ideal self but not in the present as we know it. It will be realized when our lives are perfected through the fulfillment of our relationship with God. In other words in heaven, with God, we will reach our full potentiality and become as the Bible says, "like Him." This should in no way discourage people from becoming the most idealized person they can become here and now. This future idealized self is the hope within us.

Summary
1. The Eclectic Model of personality theory borrows from many different theorists. It contains the ability to allow for individuality and flexibility.

2. Cave believes that birth order is significant to the developing personality.

3. The Psychosexual and the Psychosocial stages are believed to be significant to the person's emerging personality. A balance is sought between the two.

4. Love and acceptance are the cornerstone of personality development. These supersede Maslow's safety needs as foundational for development.

5. Self-Actualization and The Psychospiritual model suggest that in order to be self-actualized a person must explore their spiritual nature and fill the void of worship.

The Entrepreneur vs. The Strategy Consultant

this is a good read

go check it out

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/62mBHw/blog.summation.net/2011/02/entrepreneur.html

minus the sweet and I'm left with the bitter

haih, the emo-ee post again,

Feel frustrated, alone, messy, disorientated, tired, worried, moody

I try hard, I really did, to stay on the bright side

I'm not as strong as I seem, to face the world

btw, I'm not crying in the picture, just rubbing my eyes

sigh, gibberish

goldfish am blind

you know what ?

I'm happy not because I cannot see clearly, rather, because I cannot see at all

Chris Medina - What Are Words

Heart melts when I heard this song

INTRO

F G C (C/E) F

F G C

VERSE I

F G C (C/E) F

Anywhere you are, I am near, anywhere you go, I'll be there

G Am (Asus2 Am)

Anytime you whisper my name, you'll see

F G C (C/E) F

How every single promise I'll keep, 'cause what kind of guy would I be

G C

If I was to leave when you need me most

CHORUS

F G Cadd9

What are words if you really don't mean them when you say them?

F G Am

What are words? If they're only for good times, then they're torn

F G

When it's love, yeah, you say them out loud, those words

Cadd9 G Am

They never go away

Em F G

They live on, even when we're gone

VERSE II

F G C (C/E) F

And I know an angel was sent just for me, and I know I'm meant

G Am (Asus2 Am)

To be where I am, and I'm gonna be

F G C (C/E) F

Standing right beside her tonight, and I'm gonna be by your side

G C

I would never leave when she needs me most

CHORUS

F G Cadd9

What are words if you really don't mean them when you say them?

F G Am

What are words? If they're only for good times, then they're torn

F G

When it's love, yeah, you say them out loud, those words

Cadd9 G Am

They never go away

Em F G

They live on, even when we're gone

VERSE III

F G C (C/E) F

Anywhere you are, I am near, anywhere you go, I'll be there

G Am (Asus2 Am)

And I'm gonna be here forever more

F G C (C/E) F

Every single promise I'll keep, 'cause what kind of guy would I be

G C

If I was to leave when you need me most

OUTRO

C

I'm forever keeping my angel close.

girls and their dilemmas

"Do my butt look huge in this jeans?"

"Am I fat? ohmaigosh-you-blinked-for-a-second-before-you-answered-my-question,I am dooooomed to FATness DX "

"Does my hair look wierd?"

"How does my make-up look ?"

VANITY

Sadly, I am no less vain

I'm having a big butt dilemma (don't laugh)

Is it possible to loathe a person that you do not know ?

So the story goes

on 7th november i told a story of a guy and a girl

at the last line, i wrote "to be continued"

so here it is,

it has been over a month now, that they parted their ways,
in someway and somehow, both are hurt
but it has ended, no matter what anybody says

why am i blogging this ?

to tell myself to stop lingering in the past and move on